Introduction to Pharmaceutical Addiction
by TheAmazingS
Summary: A text message leads Jeff to begin to question everything he knows about Annie Edison.


It takes a lot to ruffle Jeff Winger's feathers.

He prided himself on being able to take everything life threw at him in stride. Granted, he was nowhere near as good at it as he would like to believe, but, then, Jeff was a fantastic liar, no matter the audience. He felt he handled getting his law license suspended in the best possible manner (a fifth of scotch a day for a week), he no longer was shocked when something strange happened at Greendale (seriously, the fact that the student body just destroyed the campus over paintball _again_ didn't even warrant a momentary eyebrow raise), and he lived with Chang for several months. Without murdering him.

If that doesn't prove Jeff Winger is as close to unflappable as it gets, nothing really does.

That's why it's always so memorable when he does find himself stunned. Usually, Annie Edison is involved somehow.

Like now.

They weren't in the usual setting for her to blow his mind. There was no study room; in fact, they weren't even on the Greendale campus. Jeff was currently huddled in a back corner of a somewhat dim meeting room in a church not far from the new Dildopolis location. It wasn't the cleanest of churches, as the neighborhood was absolutely horrible, but it was still a church. Jesus motivational posters were all over the walls that Jeff was fairly certain had been written by a certain, recent three-time mother of his acquaintance. The posters were full of glaring pictures of Jesus with messages like, 'I'm watching you sin.' It was very disconcerting, really.

The meeting room was populated with about fifteen people sitting in a circle. It was a diverse group, comprised of a multitude of races and ages, with both genders represented. All had the same worn down, ragged look to them, as if they had seen more in life than most. Jeff had snuck in about a half hour beforehand, taking a seat out of the way so that no one really had noticed. Which was good, since he had a feeling he wouldn't be welcome by everyone had they seen him.

Well, at the very least, by the girl standing to begin speaking. Jeff almost hadn't recognized Annie when she first stood. He had gotten so used to her uniform of cardigan, blouse, and skirt that seeing her dressed like a normal person was a shock. She was wearing a Greendale T-shirt that was just a hair tighter than necessary, a pair of jeans, and a pair of pink Converse. Her hair had been pulled back into a tight ponytail, which Jeff had only seen on rare occasions, and she was wearing a minimum of makeup. That, really, should have made her look younger than he already had her built up in his mind, but, really, there was something in her face that made Jeff realize she wasn't an eighteen-year-old that he had made cry anymore.

Maybe it was her demeanor. The Annie he was used to was a constantly moving, tightly-wound ball of energy that never seemed to stop smiling, at least for very long. That Annie Edison seemed incapable of being beaten down and Jeff should know, since he had been the one who had tried to do the emotional beating down on a couple of occasions. He knew he had done a number on her psyche, especially last summer, when he had kissed her as passionately as he ever had any other woman and then not talked to her for three months. Jeff wasn't even touching the 'Annie-of-it-All' mess a few weeks ago, where she was a lot more perceptive than he gave her credit for being.

Still, no matter what number he, or any of their creepy little circle did on her, Annie never seemed to let it get her down. She would take her lumps and then bounce back a few days later just as bright and shiny as ever. It was one of the many things that he admired about her. Yes, Annie could be high strung and prone to incredibly outlandish outbursts, but she always came through the other side still Annie.

This Annie, though, was much more subdued. She still had a smile on her face, though it was more wistful as she listened to the others stand up and give their testimonies. It was a look that Jeff knew he had never seen on her face before. Not that he catalogued Annie Edison's various looks. He wasn't a teenage girl, after all. Still, he couldn't deny that this was a different take on Annie, even if she was just as attentive to each speaker as she was with her studies. In fact, he could easily imagine her taking notes, even if there wasn't the same manic energy she displayed at Greendale.

Jeff had only been there a minute before he figured out that this was a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. He really should have backed out as soon as he realized it, but he stopped himself as soon as he saw Annie. Now, twenty minutes and five confessions from people later, Jeff was wondering why he didn't sneak out before it became inevitable that Annie spotted him. Any thoughts along those lines stopped when she stood up and cleared her throat.

"Hi, guys. I'm Annie, and I'm an addict."

Jeff raised an eyebrow at the chorus of "Hi, Annie." It was familiar and welcoming, like she came here regularly. Intellectually, he knew she was an addict; that had come out in their first-ever group meeting. She had also mentioned it several times over the last two years, even had that anti-drug play fiasco, but, as she had never visibly slipped into relapse, Jeff never really registered it. Being confronted with it like this was kind of a slap in the face.

"I know I haven't spoken much recently," she continued, "but I've been in a really, really good place lately. School has been going well, or as well as it can considering it's Greendale, my friends are pretty much amazing, and I haven't really felt the pull towards the pills for a long time. But a couple of things have happened recently that…"

Annie paused and sighed. "I made a mess out of me and one of my male friends again. My group and I had another of our…intense discussions where we laid ourselves bare. There was a revelation about two of them sleeping together that just…well, it blindsided me. I didn't think and started spouting off about 'the Annie of it all.' Gibbering about what had been going on with my male friend and me this year. I knew, even as I was saying it, that he would only just shut down, because he isn't ready to deal with, you know, _us_, but I couldn't stop myself. It was like an out of body experience. By the time Je…my friend was done denying any and everything that had to do with us, I felt like an inch tall."

"This the same jerk that made out with you last year and didn't talk to you for months?" a woman to Annie's right piped up. Jeff bristled in the back. _How the hell much has she talked about us?_

Annie sighed. "Yeah, it is. And don't get me wrong, I learned my lesson about him when we finally did get to talk about that stupid kiss. And I punched him in the face." She paused for a slight grin, while Jeff gingerly tapped his nose. "I just thought…I don't know what the hell I was thinking, honestly. I know nothing is going to happen, but once it started to come out of my mouth, it wouldn't stop. And his denying any attraction to me just left me feeling raw."

Jeff shifted uncomfortably in his chair as Annie took a moment to refocus her thoughts. "Jeff, alone, wouldn't have been enough to send me looking for a hit, though. It was just the final bit of weight on my shoulders before my mother decided to hunt me down last week."

That drew more than a few concerned murmurs from the others in the circle. Jeff found himself leaning forward in his seat, suddenly feeling like he was really intruding on something he shouldn't have been. Annie had only given vague hints as to her parents, such as that they were divorced and that her mother was somewhat strict. He knew absolutely nothing about her father. It seemed, however, that her support group knew a lot more than that, as Jeff saw a few angry glares on faces that had been, to that point, fairly passive.

"I had managed to somewhat move past the incident with my friends," Annie continued. "We even had another round of paintball, which was a whole ordeal that I really don't have the time to get into and you can read mostly about in the paper, as my mom did. But we lost one of our friends over it, as he decided he had enough of whatever the hell it is we are as a group. And then my mom came. That front page picture of me in that outfit with the machine paintball gun didn't go over well. Mom lowered herself to come by my apartment and ripped into me for shaming the family name again. She was concerned that her friends would think her daughter is running around college dressed as a, and I quote, 'ten-dollar harlot' and sleeping with any guy that looked her direction. She left by saying that she liked me better when I was high all the time."

Annie was quiet for a long time after that and Jeff had to fight the urge to rush up to her and hold her. Or go find Annie's mom with Shirley and have a discussion that would, most likely, end with a jukebox involved. Neither option would probably go over well with Annie, but Jeff honestly didn't care. He just knew that he had never hated another person as much as her mother at that point, not even his own deadbeat father.

When Annie finally started speaking again, it was with a shaky breath. "And I started thinking to myself, what if she's right? What if I was a better person on the pills? I mean, what has being sober really done for me? I don't really have parents anymore. I'm at a community college that clown colleges look down their noses at. I have to sell recycling to try to eat in my apartment above a marital aid store and I have hardly any social life outside of six people that are just as maladjusted as me, if not more so. Wasn't my life better when I was on Adderall?"

"Annie," a man at what Jeff figured out was the head of the circle said softly. "Did you relapse?"

"I was close," she admitted after a moment, and it looked like it took all of her strength to say the words. "Really, really close. Like, meeting with a guy behind Dildopolis close."

"And what stopped you?" the man asked. He was middle aged, from what Jeff could tell from his back, with a red-and-black plaid shirt.

Annie smiled softly. "My friend, the one that had left the group? He texted me randomly as I was about to pay for the pills. It was just four words, really, but it meant the world to me at the time, to know that he still cared even if we had been horrible to him. That, even as gross and offensive as he could be, Pierce had a heart beating in his chest and that I held a part of it. It gave me the strength to back away from the bottle."

Tears began shining in her eyes. They weren't her Disney tears, as Jeff had learned the difference between the real and the fake Annie crying over the last year. He found himself discreetly wiping at his cheek, also. Annie smiled slightly and said, "That got me thinking about my other friends, also. I know we're a mess, but I also know that they would be there for me in a heartbeat if they knew about any of this. I would probably have to hold off Jeff and Shirley from going after my mom if they found out about her visit. Or about her cutting me out of her life completely. But the knowledge that they would do that for me, that they would fight for me, even if my own parents won't…I can't describe the kind of strength I pull from that. From all of them, really. I've never really told them, but they've saved my life."

At that, Annie looked directly at where Jeff had thought he had been inconspicuous enough the entire meeting, though he knew, short of being in a broom closet, he wasn't completely hidden. Annie held his gaze for a long moment, before smiling a little shyly and turning to sit back down. Jeff sat there too stunned to try to make a discreet exit at that point and waited out the rest of the meeting. Thankfully, it wasn't too much longer, as no one seemed to want to follow Annie. As the group began breaking up, a few glanced in his direction, eyebrows raised in question, but no one said anything to him.

The middle aged man in plaid walked up to Annie as she was helping to clean up and leaned in, whispering a few words to her. She only nodded and offered the closest Jeff had seen to an actual Annie smile since he had snuck into the meeting, though there was still a little spark missing in her eyes. Jeff waited while she exchanged a few words with a few of the other stragglers, though she kept it fairly short and made her way back to him before too long.

"Jeff," she said and it really kind of killed him to hear the hesitation in her voice.

"Annie," he said, favoring her with a genuine smile that he hoped reassured her that he wasn't judging. "That was…I had no idea…"

"I know," she said, ducking her head. "I didn't really want any of you guys to. Pierce knew, but that's just because he was being Pierce and followed me one day. How'd you know to come here?"

He sighed and fished out his cell phone and passed it to her. Annie frowned as she read the text that was pulled up. It was from Pierce and simply gave the address of the church and the time of the meeting with the message, _It's abt Annie. U may lrn smthng, if Ur nt 2 bzy trolling for guys. B cuz Ur gay._

"His texting is getting better," Annie joked as she returned the cell phone. Jeff watched the war that waged in her eyes, though, as anger and affection both fought for dominance in her huge, blue eyes, all of it directed at Pierce.

Jeff decided to ignore it and smirked. "Yeah. It only looked like he had a stroke on part of the message."

They settled into an awkward silence that Jeff couldn't stand for much longer than thirty seconds. "So, you told them about me."

Annie rolled her eyes. "I've told them about all of you. I don't…really have anyone outside of our group to confide in."

"And sometimes it helps to unload on someone unrelated to our particular brand of crazy," Jeff nodded. "I get it. I really do. And, for what it's worth, I, uh, I'm…"

"I know," Annie said with a small smile. Jeff let out a breath, thankful that she let him off the hook. "I hated you for about five minutes, but that evaporated by the time you got to the Winger speech. We were both stupid that day. Let's just leave it at that?"

Jeff grinned. "Deal." He let the smile falter a bit. "Annie, if you don't want me to say anything to the others, I won't, but I really think you should tell them. Everything. They...we care a lot about you and I know Shirley, in particular, would do very graphic things to me if something happened and it came out I knew. And I'm pretty attached to all of me."

She laughed and it was her normal, tinkling laugh and Jeff's gut did a couple of somersaults. He steadfastly ignored what that meant as she punched him lightly on the arm. She favored him with a full-on Annie smile, though, and said, "Thanks, but I'm not ready for all of them to know. Not yet. I'm kind of freaking out a little with you knowing, honestly. Soon. I promise."

"I'll hold you to that," Jeff said, folding his arms over his chest. "Also, I want you to promise that you will call someone next time you feel like scoring pills off a guy in the back of a sex shop. I don't care if it's me or not, but you _will_ call someone. All that...you're one of the strongest people I know, Annie, but it's no crime to ask for help. Not for something like this."

Annie sighed. "You're right. I know you're right. It's just…I hate admitting I can't do it all by myself. When she kicked me out, Mom predicted I'd be on the street inside of three weeks and begging for her help."

Jeff felt his jaw tense. "Why did she cut you off? Was it the drugs?"

Annie's eyes widened in fear a little, which caused Jeff to reach out for her shoulders. "Hey, it's okay. You don't…"

"No," she waved him off. "No, I want to. I think. It's just…Mom didn't want me to go to rehab. She felt we should have just ignored the problem, because doing otherwise would have entailed admitting to her friends that we weren't a perfect family. After the incident with the window, I…I knew I needed help. It wouldn't have…I wouldn't have…"

Jeff understood everything she wasn't saying and pulled her into a hug. He tried to say everything he knew he couldn't say out loud in the embrace. That Annie was stronger than she gave herself credit for. That she inspired him to be a better person, even if it was reluctantly and with much complaining. That she was loved, not just by him, but by all of them. That he was very, truly sorry about his role in her misery. He tried to convey his fear of what she revealed in the group; fear that she would hurt herself, that he couldn't do anything to help her. Jeff wasn't sure if she understood, but she squeezed him back reassuringly as they clung to one another.

Jeff slowly let go of her after what felt like an hour. Their eyes met as she stepped back and it was so intense that Jeff felt his breath leaving him. Annie seemed just as affected, as her chest was visibly heaving, though neither wanted to break the spell of the moment by doing what both sets of hearts were telling them to do. Instead, Annie forced herself to look down at the ground, breaking the connection. Jeff coughed uncomfortably and gestured to the door.

"We should probably…"

"Right," Annie squeaked. "So, um…"

"Don't worry," Jeff said quickly. "Give me a day or so, and we'll be back to normal."

He saw the disappointment flare in her eyes, but it was replaced quickly enough by relief. Neither of them really wanted to deal with this at the moment. He was self-aware enough to know you didn't push Jeff Winger. He came to realizations and breakthroughs on his own schedule.

"Fair enough," Annie said instead of pushing anything. Jeff knew that seeing her like this had opened the door towards something else. What that may be, he had no idea, but he just knew that this signaled a shift in their relationship. It was just a matter of when Jeff could admit it to her; whether that was tomorrow or six months down the road. More likely the latter, when something at Greendale would force him to acknowledge that she wasn't the same, naive eighteen-year-old he had first met.

If she ever had been.

What really rankled was that he would be indebted to Pierce when he finally decided to have this breakthrough. Which was probably the entire point. One last parting mind-screw from that racist, homophobic old man.

Jeff shook himself mentally. He really did not want to deal with this right then and, judging from the look on Annie's face, she didn't really either. For both of their sakes, Jeff plastered a crooked grin on his face and offered his arm. "Milady."

She beamed back up at him in relief and wrapped her hands around his elbow, allowing him to guide her out into the church parking lot. "Milord."


End file.
